Scene I: The Zoo
Skipper: Ah. Nothing like an old fashioned Sunday drive, eh, Private? Blow darts, hard left.
Private screams while tilting the car. Blow darts hit the brick wall and it is revealed that Rico fired them.
Rico: Aw, man.
Private is still seen screaming as he avoids a line of Bowling Pins, painted like penguins. Private looks ahead and sees more pins, this time more spread out and at random. Private narrowly manages to avoid them, as well as a swinging log, an oncoming bowling ball, and a bomb, which explodes as Private collides with it. Fortunately, Private and Skipper manage to avoid it while in the car.
Skipper: Excellent reaction time, Private! You're really getting the hang of this combat driving course. Mind the chainsaw...
As Skipper mentions it, a rogue chainsaw is seen carving up the pavement and heading towards Private and Skipper. Private screams again and hits the breaks on the car. Then he shifts it in reverse as the Chainsaw heads towards him and swerves out of the way again just as the Chainsaw passes by them. Private is now seen panting frantically and heavily.
Kowalski: My baby!
Private screams as we now see Kowalski wearing a blonde wig on his head and something wrapped up like a baby in his hands. Kowalski is seen imitating a dansel in distress while carrying the object.
Kowalski: Someone please save my baby! (tosses the object to Private, who catches it).
Skipper: Think fast Private. That ain't no baby!
Private looks down and sees that the object Kowalski was holding was a time bomb wrapped in a cloak, dangerously counting down from "00:05", Private screams again and tosses the bomb out of the car and drives away, just in time as the bomb explodes. The explosion is powerful enough to send Kowalski's wig flying off his head.
Kowalski: Oh, baby!
Private now has his head in between his legs and looks like he's about to have a nervous breakdown.
Skipper: Just feel the road...
Burt: There you guys are!
Skipper and Private regain their attention as Burt the Elephant's foot comes down, blocking their path.
Private manages to swerve the oncoming car out of the way into Burt's leg, but ultimately the car crashes into one of his other legs. (Although there is no reaction from Burt). Once the smoke settles from the crash, Private scampers out of the car, hyperventilating frantically.
Skipper: Not bad, Private. But had that'd been a decoy Elephant foot, loaded with T.N.T. You and I wouldn't be having his conversation. (looks over at Private to see that he's not in the car)
Private: (still panting) Is—is that likely to happen often Skipper?
Skipper: (sarcastically) Well, why don't we ask Manfredi and Johnson? Oh! We can't! Because they fell for the old exploding Elephant foot!
Rico and Kowalski regroup and Skipper and Private as the Penguins greet Burt.
Skipper: So, what's the trouble, Long Trunks?
Burt: You guys gotta help me. I've gotta get out of the Zoo and across town, today!
Private: Oh, a breakout?
Kowalski: Hmm, complicated by cross-town transport of the largest, living, land mammal.
Skipper: That's a tall order on short notice my ginormous friend. Why the urgency?
Burt: (sneakily) Let's just say, an Elephant never forgets.
Rico: (confused) Uh, an Elephant never forgets?
Skipper: (impressed) Ooh! Dark and sinister sounding, with a classic pachyderm cliche. Big man, you play me like a fiddle.
Scene II: Elephant Habitat
The Penguins and Burt as seen in Burt's Habitat. They are all looking at a map with figurines of them on it.
Skipper: our first obstacle is Alice. We'll have to keep her too busy to notice Jumbo's exodus.
Kowalski: Perhaps some sort of large mess to clean? But what would be the ideal location for maximum "filthiocity?"
Skipper places the piece representing Alice by the Restrooms on the map.
Kowalski: The public restrooms, of course!
Skipper: All we need is one strategically placed Stink Bomb.
Kowalski: Uh, organic or chemical?
Skipper: Well, let's go green on this one. Big grey, what did you eat for Breakfast?
Burt: Beans, broccoli, and a cabbage burrito. Why?
Scene III: The Zoo/Restrooms
Alice is seen singing to herself. When she passes by the Restrooms, she begins gagging loudly in disgust.
Alice: What in the world?!
Following the smells, Alice enters the restroom. Shortly after entering it, she is heard screaming loudly in horror at what is inside. The Penguins and Burt peak out from besides the wall to see he reaction.
Skipper: Excellent Craftsmanship.
Burt: (Scoffs with flattery) The Burrito did most of the work.
Scene IV: Elephant Habitat
Kowalski with a straw in his mouth is seen decorating Burt's replica out of straw and puts a wing on his beak and puts his wings up at Burt then puts the same wing back on his beak.
Burt: I don't know. It doesn't really look the me.
Kowalski: Wait for it.
Rico spits out peanuts and Burt looks down at them
Burt: Wow! It's like looking in a mirror.
Skipper: Private! Where are we on the elefante camouflage?
Private is seen painting Burt's disguise.
Private: Ready for birth fitting Skipper.
Scene V: The Zoo
Skipper: Now remember. If anyone asks, your name is Frosty Funtime's ice cream truck #26.
Kowalski: You were trained as a laundry service vehicle but on your 18th birthday, you decided to follow your dream and never look back.
Private: Why would anyone ask a truck about...
Skipper: Don't confuse the man with questions Private. It's a very complicated alias.
Burt: Frosty Funtime's. Got it!
Burt salutes with his trunk.
Burt: Ready to go?
Skipper: Right! Now slow and steady. We don't want anyone getting suspicious.
The penguins and Burt while walk towards the exit Skipper is monologging. Private backs up with flashlights.
Private: Steady! You're doing great Burt. I mean, Frosty.
Private winks. Skipper and Kowalski back up near the exit and Kowalski smells the scent of the bathroom.
Kowalski: Skipper. I am detecting a growing scent of lime and lemony freshness.
Skipper smells and turns to the restroom.
Skipper: Sweet sand as sweat glass! (A mop comes out and goes into a bucket and then back inside) The restroom's nearly shift shaped. We've gotta move out. Right now!
King Julien (offscreen): Oh ice cream.
Mort (offscreen): Ice cream!
King Julien, Maurice, and Mort come to Burt.
King Julien: Okay um... (Mort jumps up screaming "Ice cream man!") Okay, okay! I want 3 Fudgie Pudgies and one of those bars shaped like a President. Eeeh. Melon Fillmore. No no! Wait! Make it a Rutherford B. Hazelnut.
Mort (still jumping): I want ice cream!
King Julien: Gimmie gimme gimme gimme!
Skipper: Can't you tell? We're engaged in covert operations here.
King Julien: And I am engaged in someone who is clearly not understanding costumer service. Mort! Teach Mr. Ice Creamy some manners.
Mort screams jumps on the painting of the driver a 3 times. Camera turns to the restroom and flushing is and the camera zooms in.
Alice (offscreen sighs): Finally! (throws out a mask and gloves while saying it.)
Camera moves to Private.
Private: The final flush. She's done!
Skipper: Covers blown. (turns over to Burt) Abort, man, abort!
Burt: Now! We don't abort for nothing.
Burt seizes the lemurs with his trunks and shoots them and the lemurs scream.
Burt: Let's run! (exits the zoo) Pow!
Scene VI: The City/The Zoo
On a street intersection, the penguins and Burt pop there heads out from a building.
Kowalski: All clear.
Burt walks away and stops and turns to the penguins.
Burt: Gee. Thanks guys!
Skipper: We're always happy to help out a suspiciously man cause.
Burt (giggles): I remember. I owe you one now. (continues walking and turns right) And an elephant never forgets!
A black car drives pass and the penguins slide back to the zoo.
Kowalski: Hmm. I feel like I want to throw a few more hay bails on that elephant decoy. I feel like I under patted the box.
Skipper: Good call! I lost to many good mandible accuracies. Let's move!
The penguins slide away.
Scene VII: Elephant Habitat
Skipper, Rico, and Kowalski push a hay bail.
Private (offscreen): Skipper! I... I found something.
Private pushes a hay bail and is shocked and the other penguins slide down. It shows a bunch of pictures circled in red marking on them with a black and white picture of a boy with a kazoo pointing to a colored picture of a man.
Skipper (offscreen while the camera moves): Well this is... disturbing... to me. (moves on screen) Anyone?
Private: Understood as well Skipper.
Kowalski (walking over to the boy with the kazoo): That boy with the kazoo. Could it be the legendary Kid Kazoo?
Rico (scratching his head): Kid Kazoo?
Kowalski: You know. Kid Kazoo. The scourge of the Central Park Zoo! Surely you must have heard the tale.
Zooms into the picture.
Scene VIII: The Zoo (flashback)
Turns into to a sepia flashback.
Kowalski (narrating): He was a Sunday regular. He real piece of work with a smile like a bear trap. (Kid Kazoo walks over to a habitat.) The laugh like a deranged birthday clown.
Kid Kazoo laughs and spies on a Roy the Rhinoceros.
Kowalski (continue narrating): But the sickest thing was that kazoo. (The kazoo shines) Yowling like a kindergarten orchestra.
Kid Kazoo blows the kazoo at the rhino and Roy freaks out. Then Kid Kazoo bugs Pinky the Flamingo eating and she freaks out and flies away and then bugs Bada and Bang the Gorillas eating bananas and they freak out and let go of their bananas and hug each other.
Private (narrating): That sounds horrible.
Kowalski (narrating again): Kazoos always do Private. (Kid Kazoo's smile fades while saying it.) But no one had it worse than poor Burt. (Kid Kazoo's smile returns and changes to Burt's habitat while saying it. Burt eats some hay.) With his jumbo sized ears, that assented buzzing was sheer torture. (Kid Kazoo blows the kazoo and Burt jumps high in the air and screaming then comes back down angry with eyes closed and the camera zooms in.) He hated that boy.
Burt opens his eyes and looks at Kid Kazoo who laughs and leaves.
Scene IX: Elephant Habitat
Goes back to the present.
Kowalski: I wonder whatever happened to the little maniac.
Skipper: Wait a minute. Look at those shifty eyes. (turns to the picture of the man.) That devious half smile. (walks over.) Those kazoo kissed lips!
Kowalski: By Newton's apple, you're right! (switches to him with his wing on the black and white picture.) It's Kid Kazoo all grown up! (compares it to the man.)
Private: Burt really holds a grudge. For years apparently.
Skipper: I knew it sounded dark and sinister. But this is darker. Sinisterer.
Kowalski: Elephant payback. Uhhh! The trunk crusher. The peanut pelter. Maybe even the dreaded two cheek squat and squish.
Private: Oh dear!
Skipper: Uhhh! Whatever it is, we helped start this mission of vengeance and we're gonna stop it.
Scene X: Kid Kazoo's Apartment
Grown up Kid Kazoo with a headset opens the door to his apartment.
Kid Kazoo (on the headset): Lenny, listen to me. I don't care what margins are. Okay? (walks over to the lamp and Burt is behind him.) Sell it! Spit out like a bug in it! (turns on the lamp.) And then... (Burt growls at Kid Kazoo and Kid Kazoo turns his head and then back) Yeah, Lenny! I'm gonna have to call you back. Cool? Okay. Love to the family. Bye-bye!
Kid Kazoo turns off his headset and turns around and stands for a second and then jumps up screams at Burt.
Scene XI: The City
Meanwhile, animals and the penguins are walking on a sidewalk and Kowalski picks up elephant fur on the sidewalk. He is wearing a magnifying glass
Kowalski: The hair is clearly pachydermic and origin (licks the fur.) and fresh. A quick read of wind speed and direction tells me Burt went that way.
The penguins roll.
Scene XII: Kid Kazoo's Apartment
Burt is shown in the window chasing Kid Kazoo around in circles while screaming. Changes inside and Kid Kazoo runs as fast and Burt grunts. Kid Kazoo hides behind the white couch and pushes his headset and the headset rings.
Kid Kazoo: Come on. Come on! Yes! Hello?
Animal Control Operator: You have reached the animal emergency control hotline. (Burt pulls the couch away.) If you know the type of animal trying boar you, please say "Now".
Kid Kazoo: Elephant. Elephant! ELEPHANT!
Animal Control Operator: You said "everglades pygmy sunfish" (Kid Kazoo runs to a closet, opens the door, goes in, and closes the door.) First, step out of the bayou and onto dry land.
Burt opens the door trunk goes in between the clothes to get Kid Kazoo.
Kid Kazoo: Wha... What are you trikes? Press the button.
Animal Control Operator: For fish, press one. (Kid Kazoo goes out of the closet and into the kitchen and hides behind the counter and crawls. Burt misses up some dishes.)
Burt: You don't know how long I've waited for this. (raises up his trunk.) Kid Kazoo!
Skipper: Back away from that broker you psycho. (appears on the window sill. The so many the animals and the penguins slide down.)
Kid Kazoo: A-animals. Now there's animals?!
Animal Control Operator: You said... "Peruvian milk snake." (turns off the headset and throws it away and Kowalski slaps it away.the animals and The penguins come down and come towards Burt.)
Burt: No! You guys don't understand. I have to do this.
Skipper: Then I'm afraid we'll have to do this! (the animals and the penguins jump towards Burt and attack his legs.)
Burt: Quit it! Cu... Hey! Cut it out.
Kid Kazoo sneaks away and runs to his door. Burt spots him and knocks the couch to block the exit.
Kid Kazoo: Aw come on!
Private jumps on another couch and pounces on Burt.
Skipper: Outstanding Private. Now show me that combat driving!
Private: But Skipper. How do you steer an elephant?
Kowalski: Ah the internal riddle. Does one truly steer the elephant or does the elephant... (Burt slides Private and falls Kowalski before he could finish.)
Rico jumps in front and spits out a water gun and aims it at Burt but he knocks it away. Rico then spits out a bomb but Burt knocks that away too. Then a hammer but Burt also knocks that away. Rico spits out a pile of peanuts.
Burt: Oooh! Peanuts.
Rico punches Burt's trunk. Burt screams in pain and sucks his trunk. Then he angrily knocks the animals and the penguins towards the wall. The penguins fall to the ground. Burt walks towards Kid Kazoo. Kid Kazoo backs up to the wall. Burt trips him with his trunk and he falls down to the ground. Burt then backs his butt towards him.
Kid Kazoo: No! NO!
Kowalski (gasps): Good golly! IT'S THE TWO CHEEKER!
Burt angrily grunts at Kid Kazoo. The animals and The penguins react in disgust.
Kid Kazoo: What are you doing?
The animals and The penguins stop.
Skipper: What's going on? Did the pyscheder miss?
Kid Kazoo stretches out over the wall. Burt looks at him and puts his trunk at him. Out comes Kid Kazoo's kazoo. Kid Kazoo looks at it and takes it.
Kid Kazoo: My old kazoo. But I lost this thing years ago at... at the Central Park Zoo. Wait! You're that elephant?
Burt smiles and turns to the animals and The penguins.
Burt: He didn't loose it. I took it. I snuck right out of his pocket when he wasn't looking. I felt so guilty. I tried to give it back ever since.
Skipper: And you couldn't have told us that in the first place. Great!
Burt: Oh! I just get so embarrassed. You know. It's bushy stuff.
Kid Kazoo: (donkey hee haw) Ha ha! I'm donkey Cool.
Skipper: But. I thought you hated that donkey and his voice. An elephant never forgets!
Burt: But he always forgives.
Skipper: Right! Sappy for my taste. Gentlemen. Let's go home!
Skipper walks away and Private runs up.
Private: But Skipper. How are we going to get Burt and donkey back to the zoo.
Scene XIII: The City
The animals and The Penguins and Burt are seen heading back to the Zoo, The animals and The Penguins are holding up the scribble painting that used to be in Kid Kazoo's apartment as a "disguise" for Burt.
Skipper: Now remember if anyone asks, you're name is "The Museum of Modern Art!"
Burt: You can call me "M.O.M.A."