Scene I: The Elephant Habitat
Burt is eating peanuts in his habitat.
Burt: [singing] Yum, yum....yum yum yum! Peanuts are so yum-yum! I keep them in my tum-tum!
A bomb is thrown near Burt. It explodes and he is obscured by a cloud of smoke. When it clears, his legs are tied together and he is strung up upside down from the tree with his trunk tied in a knot. The Penguins are standing on top of his feet.
Burt: Oh, that doesn't bend that way!
Skipper: Good work boys! We've captured the... elephant?!
Burt: If you guys want some peanuts, just ask!
The Penguins jump off Burt, landing in front of him. Kowalski is holding a device made out of a lunchbox.
Kowalski:False alarm! Seems to be a calibration error.
The device's screen has Burt's image with 'ENEMY!' written accross it in red.
Device: Alert! Enemy detected! Alert!
Kowalski hits the device and adjusts some dials.
Kowalski: Here we go! Enemy movement in zone two. [Skipper glares at him] I calibrated, all right?
Skipper directs the penguins out of the habitat. They leave Burt hanging from the tree.
Skipper: Move, move, move!
Burt: The blood's rushing to my trunk!
Scene II: Chimp Habitat
Phil and Mason are playing chess. The penguins throw a smoke bomb at them; when the smoke clears, Rico has Mason pinned down and he, Skipper, and Private are prepared to attack.
Device: Alert! Enemy detected!
Kowalski: False alarm!
Scene III: Ostrich Habitat
The Penguins throw a smoke bomb at Shelly that launched her into the ground with only her head sticking out.
Device: Alert! Enemy detected!
Kowalski: False alarm!
Scene IV: Koala Habitat
Leonard is asleep in his tree. There is a sudden explosion as Rico blasts his bazooka at him.
Device: Alert! Enemy detected!
Scene V: Reptile House
Device: Alert! Enemy detected!
The Penguins are each stretching out one of Barry's limbs. Kowalski makes a gurgling sound as he passes out from the toxins in Barry's skin, followed by the other three penguins doing the same.
Scene VI: Penguin Habitat
Skipper smashes the device against the table several times. It continues to say 'Alert! Enemy Detected!'.
Skipper: Stop! Going! Off! Kowalski! Your new alarm doodad is targeting the entire zoo! I can't even here my own voice anymore! Am I yelling?! I wanna be yelling! Make sure I'm yelling!
Rico: Say what?!
Kowalski shuts the device off.
Kowalski: I don't understand, the science is so simple!
He pulls out a large chalkboard covered in equations; several smaller chalkboards extend out the side, knocking Rico away.
Kowalski: Built in bio-emoticon sensors scan a subject and instantly detect if they are a friend or an enemy!
Private: Haha, silly, silly Kowalski! Friendship is recognized by our hearts! Even a newborn Lunacorn knows that.
Kowalski: Permission to slap the Private, Skipper?
The device starts going off again; Kowalski and Private cover their ears. Skipper has donned earmuffs and a monkey wrench.
Skipper: Well, I'll show you how to fix it!
Skipper charges at the device with the wrench, letting out a battle cry. He smashes it and the device elecrocutes him. He is slammed back against the wall.
Private: Skipper! Did that hurt?
The other three penguins gather around Skipper. Skipper opens his eyes and they briefly glow bright blue. He sees the red 'ENEMY!' scan shown on the device earlier in his line of vision, across the faces of the other penguins.
Computer Voice: Enemy! Enemy! Enemy!
Skipper picks up Private and uses him to whack Kowalski and Rico away from him.
Skipper: All of you! Don't come any closer!
Private: What are you doi--
Skipper throws Private at Kowalski and Rico, knocking them over. He runs for the ladder.
Skipper: Nice try, but you won't take me that easy, you ENEMIES!
Skipper climbs up the ladder and leaves. Kowalski walks over to the device, which has split open to reveal a staticy circuit board.
Private: Rude... what got into him?
Kowalski: Gadzooks! There's the problem! I accidentally installed the bio-emoticon sensor backwards! That's why the alarm thinks friends are enemies! Haha, classic me!
Private: But, why did Skipper attack us?
Kowalski: The alarm programming must have downloaded into Skipper, which means-- ohhh! His sense of friend and foe has been reversed!
Scene VII: Zoo Pathway
Skipper looks around at various zoo resdients, including Marlene, Roger, and the duckings. Upon seeing each of them, the red 'ENEMY!' reading appears over them.
Skipper: Enemies! Enemies! ENEMIES! I need backup! Someone I can trust with my life!
Scene VIII: Hoboken Zoo
Hans stands in the puffin habitat with a tape recorder.
Hans: Hans' log. Evil plan 204 to defeat the penguins has failed! You always try to finish it with the fish, Hans, let the fish go already!
Skipper jumps into the habitat and lands behind Hans. A green 'FRIEND!' reading appears in his vision.
Skipper: Hiya, Hans!
Hans: What?! Skipper?! What are you doi--
Skipper gives Hans a big hug; Hans struggles.
Skipper: There's my best buddy!
Hans: Best buddy?
Skipper: Yeah, you and me, old chumly! We're the dream team! Woohoohoo!
Hans: Oh, I see. This is a dream. Specifically the secret one I have where you and I are BFF-chumsie-wumsies! Oh! ...you didn't hear me say that.
Skipper: So, whatddya say? Ready to lay the smackdown on some penguin foes?
Hans imagines Skipper lightly slapping Kowalski.
Hans: Okay, I'll go with it.
The two high-five.
Scene IX: Zoo Pathway
The Penguins have gathered several of the so many zoo animals in front of the zoo map. Rico passes out weapons to everyone.
Kowalski: Skipper is an expert at anti-tracking footwork. Thus, we must search for him using a one-footed counter-clockwise flippy-flop waddle pattern.
Private demonstrates the pattern, giggling.
Maurice: And just what are we supposed to do if Skipper goes all commando on us?
Rico: Uh, Maurice? Look.
Rico hocks up a morning star, which lands on top of Mort.
Kowalski: Fear not, Maurice. I need merely attach one of the scienctically designed suction, uh... thingys to Skipper and he will re-zap to his normal, friend-detecting self.
Skipper taps Kowalski on the shoulder; Hans is standing next to him.
Skipper karate kicks Kowalski into a pipe sticking out of a brick wall.
Hans: Great move, palsy!
Skipper: Stay frosty, mi amigo. We're surrounded by hostiles!
Hans: Yeah! I am his primo amigo!
Private: [gasps] Hans stole our friend!
Skipper: Deploy BFF handshake! Go!
They do a fancy handshake. Hans heaves Skipper up by the flipper to launch him towards the zoo animals. Hans pulls out a laser weapon and begans blasting it while laughing.
Scene X: Lemur Habitat
Many explosions and screams are heard off screen. Juliien peers over the wall, wearing a night cap and sleeping mask.
Julien: Hey, shut up down there! I am trying to count the royal Z's! Ugh. One hundred and meleven, one hundred twelve...
Maurice: [off screen] For the love of mercy, HELP!
Julien: You too, Maurice?! Geezy Louisey!
Scene XI: Zoo Pathway
Private stands beside a small piece of debris that is on fire.
Private: Rico! Try a knock-out bomb!
Rico begins to hock up a bomb, but Skipper clamps his beak closed with a giant clothespin. The bomb goes off in Rico's stomach, knocking him out. Private runs, screaming, but backs himself up against a wall.
Skipper: Make your move, you tea-time turncoat!
Private brandishes a Lunacorn plushie.
Skipper: Aw, come on! I meant a punch, or something!
Private: I won't do it, Skipper! Just like the Lunacorns say: friendship is the art that's in our hearts. And that's not all they say on the topic of friendship! Remember?
Skipper: Remember... my... friends...
Private smiles at Skipper. The 'ENEMY!' reading shows up over him. Skipper swipes away the Lunacorn and rips its head off with his beak. He yells loudly, throwing the severed head at Private. Private dodges and the head imbeds itself in the brick wall by the horn. Private picks up Rico, pulls Kowalski out of the pipe, and flees with both of them over his shoulders. Hans skips up to Skipper, merrily singing and still holding his laser.
Skipper: Those fiendish penguins escaped! Don't worry. There's a whole zoo of foes to round up.
Hans: Yay for besties!
A montage plays of Skipper and Hans tormenting the other zoo animals, including the gorillas, Joey, Roy, and the chimps. Skipper and Hans come across a photo booth where they take a series of goofy pictures together.
Scene XII: Central Park Zoo
It is now nighttime. The zoo is highlighted by many explosions. Skipper chases Burt past a popcorn cart, brandishing a bazooka.
Burt: I don't wanna go back in the tree!
Skipper: Hahaha! I just wanna talk!
Kowalski, Rico, and Private are hiding inside the popcorn cart.
KowalskI: Egad! They've captured the whole zoo!
Private: Skipper never took whacky photos with me... [Kowalski and Rico give him a look] I mean... what are we gonna do, Kowalski?
Kowalski: I'm out of options. We simply can't get close enough to zap Skipper with the alarm!
Rico points to Julien, who is walking down the path and humming. Skipper is waiting behind a corner with his bazooka. When Julien passes by, the green 'FRIEND!' reading shows up across his face.
Skipper: Hey, hey! Ringtail, my mammal! Lookin' sharp, my friend!
Julien: Hey hey, back atcha, feather-fish!
They high-five. Julien continues walking past the popcorn cart. The penguins capture him with a lasso. The four of them talk inside the popcorn cart.
Julien: So, you are saying the Skipper is all whack-a-do backwards and thinks his fishy-stink pal guys are the enemies?
Private: Yes, but not you!
Kowalski: It would appear Skipper thinks you are a close friend.
Julien: Huh... but, uh wait, let me unpack that in my brain, here.
Julien imagines himself opening a gift wrapped box, which contains another gift wrapped box. The second gift wrapped box contains a pair of white underwear with red hearts printed on them. He smiles joyfully.
Julien: Hmm... I think, that would not mean, he is not thinking I am a friend in the real lifes!
Kowalski: Um... roughly.
Julien gasps, and pulls out a framed picture of Skipper wearing a cowboy hat and sheriff badge. He tosses it aside in despair.
Julien: Whatever, I'm not caring! I said I'm not! So stop asking me about it! Would you let it go, man? It's so ridicul--... I can't... excuse me, my eyeballs have the sneezies... [he pretends that his eyes are sneezing into his tail to hide his tears] I do not care! I am a [voice breaks] rock!
Scene XIII: Elephant Cafe
Skipper and Hans are sitting on top of a table, eating ice cream cones.
Skipper: Oh! Nothing like the satisfying taste of cold justice! Could use some more herring, though. Not to be a whiner.
Hans: Ooh, ooh, ooh, I know just the place! It's a bit far, but the fish is the fishiest. Be right back... budsy-wudsy!
Hans leaves. Julien drops down where Hans had been sitting, holding his own ice cream cone.
Julien: Finally! I thought he would never be leaving!
Skipper: Ringtail! Bro! What are you doing here?
The Penguins are hiding on top of the umbrella over the table. Kowalski has the enemy alarm device. Rico and Private begin lowering him down on a rope.
Julien: Uh... I am not distracting you from secrety penguin maneuverings, that is for certainly!
Skipper: Hahaha! No! I love you, man!
Julien: Ah ha ha! Say what now?
Skipper: I love you! Come on, your mangled language, your party attitude, your dance-like gyrations, I dig it all!
Julien squeezes so hard on his ice cream cone that it flies out of his hand.
Julien: You... like me?!
Kowalski is level with Skipper now. He tries to attach the suction cup to Skipper's head but Skipper keeps moving out of the way.
Skipper: I love you, man! What kind of sad, mixed-up world would this be if I didn't?
Julien: I changed my mind! Penguin!
Julien spins Skipper around to face Kowalski. Skipper launches him back to the top of the umbrella, which goes spinning and throws all three penguins to the ground.
Scene XIV: Zoo Storage Unit
Skipper locks the penguins in a cage.
Skipper: Once you dark souls are shipped off, I can fill this place with some real friends!
Kowalski: 'Real friends', Skipper?
Skipper: Yeah, like the rats! And Savio! And that awesome Officer X dude!
Private: But Skipper, they're your enemies!
Skipper: Nice try, actual enemy! It's always the quiet ones. [Ted the polar bear is sitting in a wooden crate; he opens his mouth to say something] I don't wanna hear it!
Skipper slams the lid of the crate on top of Ted.
Julien: Hey Skipper, check it! Dance confetti! Am I thinking what you're thinking? 'Cause I'm thinking we throw down a majorly two buddy conga-ga line! Heh?
Skipper: Oh yeah! Conga-ga approved!
Skipper and Julien dance a joyful conga and sing happily. Hans approaches with ice cream and a fish.
Hans: Oh Skippsy! They were out of the herring, so I got anchovy-- [gasps] what?!
Skipper and Julien are tapping bottoms. Hans shoves himself between the two of them.
Hans: What is the meaning of this?!
Julien: Oh, yeah, uh, there have been upgradings of the B-double-F's around here, so, uh, shut up, okay?
Hans tackles Julien to the ground; they begin fighting.
Skipper: Woah, fellas, cease fire!
Julien grabs Skipper down. Julien and Hans begin fighting over Skipper in a game of tug-of-war.
Hans: Skipper is my palsy-walsy!
Julien: Shut! Up! Okay!
Rico hocks up a hacksaw and begins sawing at the bars of the cage. Julien and Hans both drop Skipper in exhaustion.
Julien: Ugh, wait. Hey, maybe we can do the 'saw him in half' thing and be sharing!
Hans picks up Skipper and whacks Julien away with him. Julien lands on top of the penguins' cage. He steals the hacksaw from Rico.
Julien: I'm taking that!
Hans: BFF handshake!
Hans throws Skipper towards Julien. He slams against the front of the cage. Julien growls. Hans brandishes a fish; Julien brandishes Mort. A fight ensues.
Private: Kowalski! This is our chance!
Kowalski attatches the suction cup to Skipper's head and zaps him with the enemy alarm.
Private: Skipper! Are you in there?
Dazed, Skipper turns to look at the penguins. The red 'ENEMY!' alert fades away.
Skipper: Private... men... what... was I... conga-gaing? With Ringtail?!
Kowalski: He's cured, baby!
Hans is about to whack Julien with the fish, but it is snatched out of his wing. He turns to see Skipper holding the fish.
Hans: Hahaha... palsy-walsy?
Scene XV: Zoo Gates
The so many zoo animals, and Farm animals, and Becky, and Pet animals, and Ted the polar bear, Muffy, Buffy, Randy, Fluffy, Marlene, Chameleons, Barry, Blue Hen, Mother Duck, Leonard, Shelly, Roger, Betty DeVille, Stacy, and the duckings. are gathered at the gate. Hans is tied to a rocket.
Hans: Hans will return! And I will vanquish! And conquer! And... can I keep our BFF photo snaps?
Skipper pulls out the photo strip. He is visiblly disturbed by one photo of him holding Hans in the air.
He rips of the photo strip. He takes the remote from Kowalski and launches Hans into the air, who flies off screaming.
Skipper: That never gets old.
Private: It's good to have you back, Skipper.
Clover: Nice, job, penguin
Rex: thank you skipper you save the king julien
Julien: [voice breaking] What is so good? Now who will be my friend?
Mort: I will be your--
Julien slams his hand over Mort's mouth.
Julien: Don't even right now! Okay, Mort?!
Skipper: Buck up, Ringtail. This could be a chance for us to start another chapter in our sometimes rocky relationship. Maybe learn to see each other's point of view, and work together.
As Skipper talks, Julien imagines hitting him with the enemy alarm to zap Skipper back into liking him. Julien grabs the alarm and throws it at Skipper, but he leaps to the side and it hits Mort instead, electrocuting him.
Julien: Why is he being staring at me?
Mort looks down to Julien's feet. The 'ENEMY!' alert appears in front of them.
Mort: The feet... are... ENEMIES!
Mort picks up the morning star from earlier and begins trying to hit Julien with it.
Julien: Not the feet!
The episode ends with Mort chasing Julien with the morning star and Julien screaming.
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