- 1 Scene I: Penguin HQ
- 2 Scene II: Central Park
- 3 Scene III: Penguin HQ
- 4 Scene IV: Lemur Habitat
- 5 Scene V: Penguin HQ/Lemur Habitat (flashbacks)
- 6 Scene VI: Zooviners Shop
- 7 Scene VII: Zoo
- 8 Scene VIII: Penguin HQ
- 9 Scene IX: Zooviners Shop
- 10 Scene X: Central Park
- 11 Scene XI: Zooviners
- 12 Scene XII: Central Park
Scene I: Penguin HQ
Skipper: (The penguins are lined up in the HQ. Kowalski is wearing a nightcap and Rico is holding a teddy bear. Skipper looks tired, with bloodshot eyes.) Men, we live as a unit, we fight as a unit, and we sleep as a unit. (Yawns) It's been a rough week in the battle for shut eye.
Kowalski and Rico fall asleep and bump into each other, startling them awake again.
Kowalski: (Sighs) The lemur auditory assault has been merciless! (Rico squeezes his teddy bear and mutters menacingly in agreement)
Skipper: But tonight, it's dose or die. Arm yourselves for lights out.
Rico regurgitates a night cap and hops up into his bunk. Kowalski jumps into his bunk, sets an alarm clock and tosses it away. Skipper jumps into his bunk and slams a frying pan on his head, to Kowalski's bewilderment.
Kowalski: Uh, nightcap, Skipper?
Skipper: Good point. Warm milk puts me out like a teeny, tiny, little baby.
Kowalski: I mean, that's not your nightcap. That is.
Skipper's nightcap is seen burning on the stove top, and Skipper saves it, blowing the smoke off of it.
Skipper: Okay. Maybe I'm not 100% sleep-shape, shipwise. (Puts the nightcap on and briefly falls asleep, and pushes a button, turning off the lights.)
Computer Voice: Commencing Lights Out Protocol. (The penguins' HQ's windows close themselves.)
Skipper: (notices an empty bunk and panics) Whoa-whoa-whoa! Where's the Private?
Scene II: Central Park
Actress: (Acting in a Shakespeare play with Private watches) For my kind offer, when I make courtesy, bid me farewell. (Bows, and the audience applauds)
Private: Oh, bravo, bravo!
Central Park Zoo bell is heard, and Private gasps in shock.
Private: Lights out! (Private frantically heads back for the zoo).
Scene III: Penguin HQ
Private slides back into his habitat just in time as the food bowl locks up, land on Skipper in the process.
Private: Reporting, Skipper. Sorry, I was--
Skipper: Fraternizing with the enemy! Is that it, Private? Have you finally flipped on us?
Private: No, Skipper, never! See, the play's the thing. I was--
Skipper: (smacks Private with the frying pan) SAVE IT! I'll ring the answers out of you in the AM! For now hit the bunks! (throws Private in bed and gets into his bed)
Private: (to Kowalski) What's up with Skipper? He seems a bit crabby and paranoid... I mean, you know...more than usual.
Kowalski: Lemur Party-Induced Chronic Insomnia! Commonly known as 'LPICI'. At least by me. Earlier tonight, he spent an hour interrogating the coffee machine.
A flashback reveals Skipper threatening the coffee machine by sticking his face up close to it.
Skipper: Give me your dark bean-y secrets!
Cut back to the present.
Private: (facing Skipper concernedly) Oh, Skipper. Good night, sweet prince, and flights of angels--
Skipper: BUTTON IT, PRIVATE!!! (falls asleep)
Computer Voice: 10:00 PM. Lights out. (lights turn completely off) Seriously.
Scene IV: Lemur Habitat
King Julien: (stands on his boombox) Ten of the clocks! I declare Lemur-morial Day's Eve festivities open for partying!
Mort: Oooh, let me!
Mort turns on the boombox, and the music plays loudly.
Scene V: Penguin HQ/Lemur Habitat (flashbacks)
The volume of the Lemurs' music is so loud, it knocks Skipper and the others out of their bunks.
Skipper: Sweet and sour meatballs! Don't those lemurs ever sleep? Kowalski, review recent boombox countermeasures.
Kowalski: (takes out clipboard) Let's see: Monday, asked nicely to turn music down.
A flashback reveals that on Monday Night, the Lemurs dance to a Big-Band-themed song, as Skipper suddenly appearing from behind the wall in the background.
Skipper: (shouting over the music) BE QUIET!!!
King Julien: (continues dancing) Hey, this is New York! The city that never sleeps!
Skipper: (still shouting) BECAUSE OF YOU!!!
Cut back to the present.
Kowalski: Tuesday, gave dirty looks.
Another flashback reveals that on Tuesday Night, the Lemurs dance to a Country-themed song while the Penguins scowl angrily at the Lemurs, except for Private, who is blissfully dancing along with them. Kowalski nudges him to make him regain focus causing Private to scowl at the Lemurs too.
Cut back to the present.
Kowalski: Wednesday, blasted penguin mating calls, full volume...
Another flashback reveals that on Wednesday Night, Kowalski holds up a giant loudspeaker that's blasting penguin mating calls at the Lemurs, which is being partially drowned out by the Lemurs' boombox. Maurice seems a bit uncomfortable hearing the mating calls while the other lemurs are perfectly fine.
Cut back to the present.
Kowalski: No effect, at least, not on lemurs.
Rico: (swooning) Ooh, How you doin'?
Skipper: Recommendations for next move?
Private: (reciting Shakespeare) To be, or NOT to be, THAT is the question--
Skipper: We need action, not waffling! Rico!
Rico straps Private to a medieval torture device, and groans wildly.
Skipper: I like the way you think, soldier.
Kowalski: Perhaps we should try diplomacy? The art of solving disputes by negotiation or other non-military means. (Private nods in agreement)
Skipper: Mhmm, great. Why don't we just have a quilting bee while we're at it?
Kowalski: I know it goes against every bone in your thermal-regulated body, Skipper, but the diplomatic approach has been known to work... Except when it doesn't. (frees Private from the torture device)
Skipper: (Yawns) Alright. Anything to get a few dozen winks...
Scene VI: Zooviners Shop
Mason: (slams a squeaky hammer on table in zoo shop) At the behest of the penguins, we call these peace treaty talks to order.
Phil elbows Mason and corrects what he said via in sign language.
Mason: Ah, quite right Phil. That is ' Disturbing the Peace Treaty '.
Julien: Thank you, Thank you. As king, I will speak first. I shall give to you... Uhh... Mort. And you... shall... you know, go away.
Mort: OOH, I'm a bargaining chip, YAY!
Skipper: We demand a 10:00 curfew!
Julien: No prob--uh, HEY?! 10:00? 10?! Oka-We have not even begun to rock out by then! Ha-ha, I laugh at that.
Private: Oh, Ruffians! That will swear, dance, r-r-r-rebel the night! Hours filled up with riots, banquets, sports--
Skipper: Private! Knock off the old timey yakedy-yak! We're negotiating!
Private: But-but Skipper, it's--
Skipper: Time for you to be confined to quarters! On the double!
Private: (depressed) Aye, my lord.
Scene VII: Zoo
Private: And so, from hour-to-hour, we rot-and-rot... (sees one of the zoo's clocks and gasps) Oh goody! I can still catch the show!
Private eagerly slides back to the Shakespeare play in Central Park.
Scene VIII: Penguin HQ
Skipper, Kowalski and Rico arrive at HQ.
- Skipper: And so we return, conquering...uh...what's that word for weaklings again?
- Kowalski: Diplomats.
- Skipper: All I know is that I'm finally gonna win the battle for the land of 9:00. (notices Private gone) PRIVATE'S GONE AWOL AGAIN!
Later, Private returns from the play.
- Skipper: (shines flashlight on Private making him yell in fear) GAME OVER, PRIVATE! (Rico hacks up a bazooka and a crossbow and points them at Private) Who are you working for?
- Private: I'm amazed, and not know what to say!
- Skipper: That code again! (shines flashlight into Private's mouth while light comes out of Private's eyes) Who's your outside contact?
- Kowalski: (defending Private) Skipper, Private's no double-agent, he can't even cheat at Go Fish!
- Skipper: Alright, stand down, Rico. (Rico accidentally fires crossbow onto Private's 1st Prize Fish hilt making him scream) Know this, Private! I may be operating on short sleep rations, But I have one watery, bloodshot, highly-trained eye on you! Understood?
- Private: Aye, thoroughly. (Skipper leaves but then comes back up)
- Skipper: And one more thing! I have one watery, bloodshot, highly-trained eye on you! Understood? (leaves)
Scene IX: Zooviners Shop
- Mason: (Hammering squeaky hammer) Disturbing the Peace Treaty talk Round 2.
- Skipper: We've reviewed the treaty! (Treaty on toilet paper) One-sided, demoralizing, insulting, ooh, two-ply, and good to go. (Skipper prepares to sign treaty)
- King Julien: Not so quickly, tuxedo-bird! We wish to add some teensy appendages. (Takes out toilet-paper treaty, toilet paper roll rolls onto Skipper) Note the last item there. Your'e big-brained penguin will invent for me the solar-powered karaoke.
- Private: (to Rico) Ooh, ooh, and this one time, this guy said 'Better off wittiful, than a foolish wit" (Laughs) How great is that?
- Rico: Hold on a minute. (Hacks up earmuffs, and puts them on) Go ahead, keep talking.
- Skipper: We had a deal!
- King Julien: And we still do. I have just swapped the parts I don't like with the parts I do like. Take it or heave it.
- Skipper: Leave it!
- King Julien: Leave it? Wait, leave what?
- Skipper: (sighs) I'll sign.
- Kowalski: (stops him) Skipper, you're not thinking clearly.
- Private: Apart upon you, you muddy rascals! (laughs) That was a good one.
- King Julien: Do not try to confuse me with your legal ease!
- Private: How about... Your just leather-jerkin, crystal-button, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, Spanish pouches! (all stare at him)
- Mort:... IT'S TRUE! (whines)... I think!
- King Julien: I do not know these words. But I know when I am insulted. And I am insulted! I HEAVE IT! (snatches Skipper's treaty)
- Skipper: WAIT, he didn't mean it! Where's a pan? I need a pan!
- King Julien: (drops treaty on Mort) Too late! Er, good luck snoozing tonight! I am turning the volumes knobby up to "meleven...TEEN"!
- Skipper: NO! He doesn't speak for us! He's gone AWOL! He's a tin coat! TIN COAT!!!!
- Kowalski: You're REALLY not thinking clearly. (Skipper's mind is crazily amplified)
- Private: (In amplified voice) But Skipper, it was the Shakespeare in the park.
- Skipper: SPEARS, SHAKING, in the park! This is worse than I thought! (fireworks) Did you hear that? Artillery! The Spearshakers are coming! (to Kowalski) Private lockdown!
- Kowalski: But, Skipper-
- Skipper: THAT'S AN ORDER, KOWALSKI!!!!!! Eh-eh-eh! (twitches his eye)
Scene X: Central Park
Scene XI: Zooviners
Scene XII: Central Park