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Julien: Why, yes JJ. Of course you can kick Mort. No, no. He likes it.

Eggy: Cute and cuddly boys!

Julien: I demand custody! Look at all the danger you've heaved upon my JJ!
Skipper: WE heaved? YOU'RE the heaver, mister! Eggy was aces until you pilfered him!
Julien: But I pilfered JJ while he was on your watching! That makes YOU responsible for my irresponsibility!
Skipper: I'll slap YOU until the middle of next week!
Julien: How dare you, sir!?
Private: QUIET!!!! Both of you! You're upsetting Eggy!

Private: The sum of the square root of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!

Marlene: Guess what I've found in my habitat today.
(shows an egg)
Private: It''s...
Kowalski: An egg?
Marlene: Yes! And you are birds, so...
Skipper: So... what?
Marlene: Back at the aquarium, the daddy penguins handle egg duty.
Skipper: Marlene, we're an elite force, not nursemaids!
Kowalski: Actually, Skipper, incubation is a guy thing for penguins. It's natural instinct.
Skipper: You too, Kowalski? We can't give in to every gushy urge nature's burdened upon our species!
(sees Private, Kowalski fawning over the egg)
Skipper: Oh come on, you marshmallows! Think manly thoughts, trucks! Hooah!

Skipper: (taking a soft side to the egg) Aw, isn't it that just the... (gets serious) Skipper: No can do! We can't possibly take this mommy mission. Julien: Of course you can't, silly penguin. Because the egg is MINE!

Marlene: [to Julien] You laid an egg?
Kowalski: Highly improbable. Mammals don't lay eggs. Unless...are you part platypus?
Julien: What? You are a partapuss.

Maurice: You should just let it go. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure whatever is in that egg, it ain't one of us.
Julien: Oh, really, Mister Smarty-booty? And where else would J.J. come from but an egg?
Maurice: Well, mammals usually come from...
[Whispers in Julien's ear]
Julien: [Spit take] Do not gross me out with nonsense, Maurice!

Marlene: Hi, guys!
Skipper: Jumbo shrimp! Doesn't a stealthy rendezvous mean anything to anyone anymore?
Marlene: Stealthy... No. Why, should it?

Julien: Longly have I wished for an heir to my throne. And now the spirits have delivered to me a son.
Marlene: Delivered to you?
Julien: Yes, indirectly. I shall call him Julien Jr., J.J. I will raise him to be like me: handsome, intelligent, and most of all, humble.

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