Scene I: The Cove of Wonders
Maurice: Presenting Your Royal Highness, our illustrious King Julien XIII, who drove away the foosa and--
Maurice: Do I really have to say this?
King Julien: Yes, you do really have to say this!
Maurice: Taught us how to dance like no one's watching and love like we've never been hurt, et cetera, cetera... Hurray, everybody!
Clover: Delta Echo Foxtrot. Perimeter's clear. Booty-quake is taking the stage. Repeat, Booty-quake is on the move. Over.
Lemur: Who are you talking to?
Clover: That's classified.
Lemur: You don't even have a radio-- [yelling]
Clover: Roger that, we've got troublemaker causing a disturbance. Bringing him in. Over.
King Julien: Yay! Listen to all the hand-clapping! This is all I ever wanted, to be adored by everybody.
Maurice: People do seem to be digging their new king.
King Julien: Thank you, thank you. I, your king, have decided that in order to keep you all safe, we need a really great navy. I present to you, our fleet!
King Julien: I call her Old Porcelainsides. Uh, she's a her because apparently all boats are girls for some reason.
Mort: I love you, I love you, I love you!
King Julien: I hereby christen you, Old Porcelainsides!
King Julien: Put your paws together for the captain of this fine vessel, Willie!
Maurice: Come on, lets go.
Willie: Uh... are we sure this ship is seaworthy?
Maurice: Well, it's pee-worthy.
Willie: Believe it or not, that was my next question. [yelps]
King Julien: Yes, being king is so easy. I don't know why everybody doesn't do it.
Maurice: Well, it's not all fun and games. You have responsibilities now.
King Julien: [giggling] "Responsibilities." Good one, Maurice!
Mort: [laughing] Good one! That's a good one! I love it! Why are we laughing?
Maurice: I'm serious. You're supposed to be catching up on current events right now.
King Julien: Current events?
Xixi: Good afternoon. As always, I'm Xixi, and this is your news. Mango lovers across the island rejoice. The recent rainfall should mean a great mango harvest this season.
King Julien: Come on, give me the good stuff.
Xixi: Moving on to local gossip.
King Julien: Finally!
Xixi: Sources saw Pancho looking cozy as he canoodled with a new mystery lady. Is love in the air?
King Julien: I sure hope so. Pancho needs it.
Xixi: And in politics, the latest polling numbers find King Julien's popularity soaring.
King Julien: Ooh, "soaring" is a goodly thing for my popularity to be doing.
Mort: I loved him first and I love him first and I love him forever-ever-ever-ever!
Xixi: In a recent survey, over 99 percent of the public approve of the job the new king is doing.
King Julien: Huh?
Maurice: Hey, that's great! The big nine-nine! Up top, both hands! Don't leave a lemur hanging!
King Julien: Turn it off! Turn it off!
Xixi: Wait, what did I say?
Maurice: Yeah, what's wrong?
King Julien: Do you not see, Maurice? This glass is not half full, it is one percent empty.
Maurice: Ninety-nine percent full is actually a lot better than half.
King Julien: Eh-eh, your so-called "numbers" and "reason" and "understanding of math" are of no comfort when there are lemurs who do not like me.
Xixi: Lemur. As far as I can tell, there's only one.
Maurice: You hear that? Just one. Big deal. Everybody else likes you!
Clover: You're the king. Just make it illegal not to like you. And I will happily enforce that law. I can't wait to see the fear in their eyes as they lie about how great they think you are.
King Julien: Ooh, I can make a law like that?
Maurice: No. Well, I guess, yeah. But you shouldn't.
Maurice: Everybody—and, again, by "everybody" I mean one lemur--
Maurice: Will come around eventually.
Clover: Unless the one holdout recruits more lemurs to his side. This could be the start of a revolution. Think about it. The gnashing teeth. The blind rage.
Clover: We need to stamp this thing out now!
Clover: How long was I out? I didn't hurt anyone, did I?
Maurice: Yeah, instead of worrying about one disgruntled citizen, why not focus on all the stuff you do have:
Maurice: A great kingdom, and an abundant supply of food--
Mort: Me! Hey!
Maurice: Like I was saying, you got a lot going for you. Don't forget that great new ship!
Willie: I'm sinking. Oh, no! Sharks! Oh, oh! Wait, they're... they're just dolphins!
Willie: Really aggressive dolphins!
Scene II: The Baobab Tree
King Julien: This is literally the worst thing of all time that has happened to me ever.
Xixi: Oh, I would've assumed it was having half of your family eaten by the foosa.
King Julien: Ha-ha! Good one, Xixi. But we all know they were sent away to a farm.
[clearing throat loudly]
Maurice: Yeah. Hey, I've got something that'll make you feel better. Check it out.
King Julien: Oh, fruit on a stick! I feel so much better, Maurice!
Maurice: It's a visual aid I put together. I call it the "Kumquat-ometer." The pole is the kingdom, and these kumquats are all the citizens who like you and the job you're doing. See? Filled all the way to the top.
King Julien: No. It is short the one kumquat who does not like me. If I truly have a hater, you have to tell me who it is. Please! Before you were the most trusted toucan in news, you were my most trusted toucan in friendship.
Xixi: Oh, yes, we do go pretty far back.
King Julien: Which is all the more reason to do what I want you to do instead of what you think is right.
Xixi: Oh, I'm sorry but I've gotta protect my sources. If they dont trust me, the info pipeline's all dried up.
King Julien: Yes, there's no reason for me to be worked up or to make a big, huge, giant deal about this. Masikura!
Masikura: Yes, Your Majesty?
King Julien: Use your lizard psychic tongue to get inside Xixi's mind and tell me what's inside it!
Masikura: Oh, no, I couldn't. There are nine kinds of ethical--
Xixi: Please stop, please stop! Please don't!
Masikura: Grape jelly, a funnel, a pair of women's shoes? What did I just see?
Maurice: It was Spring Break, OK?
King Julien: Come on! Come on, come on! Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!
Xixi: No can do. Sorry. I'll be in touch.
Clover: King Julien, you're safe... for now. May I have a word with you?
Clover: I've begun doing a little recon, and just as I feared, we're looking at a real security issue.
Maurice: Oh, come on! Because of one unhappy lemur?
Clover: This is a private intelligence briefing.
Maurice: This thing's not soundproof. How private can it be? He's gonna tell me everything later anyway.
King Julien: True dat. I'm really bad at keeping secrets.
Clover: As I was saying, it starts as one. But one bad mango can poison the entire kingdom.
Maurice: That's a big, bad mango.
Clover: Pretty soon, you're losing support left and right and looking at a full-scale bloody uprising. Best-case scenario.
Maurice: That's the best-case scenario? What's the worst?
Clover: You don't wanna know. Trust me. That's why I need to interrogate every lemur in the kingdom.
Maurice: Interrogating everyone will cause a panic. Back me up, King Julien. You're doing eenie, meenie, miney, mo in your head, aren't you?
King Julien: Mo! I mean, no.But if I were, I would have landed on Clover. You may go investigate to see if anyone wants to uprise all over me.
Clover: On it! [yelling]
Maurice: You really believe there's an uprising?
King Julien: Couldn't hurt to be safe. Super embarrassing to get assassinated on the first week of the job. In the meantime, we should get a small group of average lemurs and ask them what they think.
Maurice: That's... actually not an awful idea.
King Julien: And I get to wear a disguise!
Maurice: Now it's awful.
Scene III: Kingdom
Maurice: First off, thank you all for coming.
Maurice: I'm gonna jump right in. Now, if you could improve one think about the kingdom,what would it be, specifically? You, sir.
Ted: Well, if I had to pick one specific thing, I'd probably say... nothing.
Maurice: Hey, that's great! How many people are happy overall with how the new king's been doing so far?
Hector: Hard to do worse than the last few idiots.
Maurice: OK, Hector, I'll go on ahead and put you down for "happy."
Maurice: Oy vey.
King Julien: [disguised voice] Hello, hello. Sorry I'm late. Uh, traffic was a nightmare. Uh, what were we talking about? Our favorite things about King Julien? OK! Uh, let's go around the room and, uh... spitball. Uh, there are no wrong answers.
Hector: I can't be the only one who notices this is just King Julien with a bad fake moustache.
King Julien: What? I wish I was King Julien! I'm just an average everyday lemur, whose name is...Chair... Lemur... Table. Yep. Chair Lemur-Table. That's me.
Hector: Nope, we're not doing this.
King Julien: Wait, nobody wants to stay and, uh, chew the fat with Chair Lemur-Table?
King Julien: It's me, Maurice!
King Julien: This is not my real moustache!