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Scene I: Penguin HQ

The TV screen shows a promo image for a football game.

Scooter Alvarez: It's a battle in the bayou as the New York Behemoths collide with the Miami Mayhem!

Skipper and Rico attentively watch the TV; Skipper wears a football helmet and Rico sports body paint. Marlene drops through the fishbowl hatch.

Marlene: Ready to get your game on, Skipper?

Skipper: Oh, yeah! I got my pre-game hike, my superfan gear, my tasty array of greasy, artery-clogging snacks!

Rico sits surrounded by empty snack bowls, licking the bottom of the last one.

Skipper: Rico!

Rico: What? I got hungry!

Skipper: Ugh, great. Now we gotta execute another snack mission. Come on, boys!

Skipper throws the empty bowl at Private, knocking him over.

Kowalski: Uh, actually, Skipper, Private and I are going to pass on the game.

Skipper: Pass?! What?! I mean... well, Private I get. [to Marlene] He thinks soccer is football.

Private: Makes more sense than throwing a misshapen ball with your flippers!

Skipper: So what's your excuse, Kowalski?

Kowalski: Fall is the perfect time to observe the annual end of photosynthetic glucose production!

Private: Plus the leaves are so pretty!

Kowalski: Yes. Pretty. Leaves. Anyway, since the forecast calls for a change in weather, this might be our last chance.

Skipper: Alright, boys, report back on those leaves. You know I don't trust anything that turns red. [to Rico] Well, compadre, looks like it's just me and you.

Rico: Awww! [he runs up and hugs the TV] Pre-game!

Skipper: Hey, I can't carry all those family fun pack size snacks myself! It'll take at least two of us!

Marlene: Got two hands right here, my friend! With digits, even! Plus, I don't go all snarl-growl-crazy outside the zoo anymore!

Skipper: I don't know, Marlene. You on snack retrieval? I'm not sure you're mission ready.

Marlene drags Skipper off by the flipper.

Marlene: Come on! If we hurry, we can get back before kickoff!

Scene II: Central Park

Private and Kowalski stand on a tree branch. Private is taking pictures of the trees with a camera as Kowalski writes observations in his notebook.

Private: Oh, look at that! It's like a ruddy scarlet!

Fred hangs upside down next to the pair. He startles Kowalski when he speaks.

Fred: Hey, guys. Whatcha doing?

Private: Hi, Fred! We're watching the leaves change!

Fred: Oh... uh, change into what, though?

Kowalski: [muttering to himself, frustrated] I will not engage, I will not engage, I will not engage!

Scene III: Bailey's Snackatarium

Skipper and Marlene are across the street from the snack shop. They run from a mailbox to a tree. They pop up behind a man reading a newspaper on a bench. Skipper is about to knock him out, but Marlene spots a woman with a stroller and points to her. They both run towards her, Skipper briefly coming back to give the man a little smack on the head. They get in the stroller and jump out when the woman passes a corner building. Skipper wears a baby bonnet and sucks on a pacifier before discarding them. They run from the building to a fire hydrant and finally to the front door of the snack shop. Skipper peeks in through the mail slot to find the store empty.

Skipper: Coast is clear. [he opens the door] Welcome to nosh heaven, Marlene! If it comes in a wrapper, carton, or screw-top, they have it here!

Marlene: Oooh, slushuccinos! [she jumps up to the slush drink machine] Okay, let's see, lemon, cherry, pineapple, and... whatever this blue color's supposed to be, I don't--

Skipper picks up a shopping basket and shoves it across the floor.

Skipper: Try 'em all! Live dangerously! Hmm, let's start with the sticky food group.

His attention is caught by the TV on the counter. He jumps on the counter to watch.

Gil Force: It's breakage, and it's here! The storm of the century! If you're outside, get inside! And if you're inside, stay there, because this is... Snowmageddon!

Skipper: Oh, that guy's always wrong. Hey Marlene, what channel is the game on?

They hear the door open. Marlene looks up from where she's drinking slush drink directly out of the dispenser.

Marlene: Uh oh.

She hops down and hides. Officer X walks in, dressed in a store uniform and glasses and carrying a cardboard box. Skipper hides behind the TV as X walks by.

Skipper: X! Why did it have to be X?!

Scene IV: Central Park

Private looks around through his camera lens. Fred moves directly in front of him. Snow has started gently falling.

Private: Um, Fred, do you mind?

Fred: Mind what?

Private: It's starting to snow.

Fred: No, I don't mind that it's starting to snow.

Kowalski: Oh, precipitous precipitation. Perhaps we should head back before-- Private, give me the camera!

He yanks the camera out of Private's flippers, dragging Private along as the strap is still around his neck. He uses the camera to zoom in on the snack shop across the street, seeing Skipper trapped inside with Officer X through the window.

Kowalski: It's X!

Private: As in former animal control, exterminator, temporary zookeeper, fish monger Officer X?

Kowalski: That's him.

Private: He's in there with Skipper! We've got to--

A large gust covers the entire park with a thick layer of snow. It blows Kowalski, Private, and Fred off of the tree and sends them rolling into the hole of another tree. A large pile of snow covers the hole, blocking them in.

Scene V: Bailey's Snackatarium

Marlene peeks out from her hiding place to look at Skipper. He gestures to the door and makes a running motion. Marlene nods in understanding. X looks away from where he is restocking a cooler and sniffs the air.

X: Otter, and... penguin!

Skipper: Run, Marlene, run!

They run for the door and throw it open, only to find the entire doorway packed with snow.

Skipper: Oh, look, snowmageddon.

X: Gotcha!

X dives for them but they both jump out of the way. X slams his head into the snow.

Scene VI: Tree

Kowalski, Private, and Fred are still on the ground from being knocked inside the tree. Kowalski repeatedly hits his head as he tries to stand up.

Kowalski: Ugh, oh, my head hurts in five-- no, six different-- oww! seven-- okay, no time for that now. Skipper needs us!

He runs headfirst into the pile of snow.

Kowalski: Ow!

Private: Oh dear, this seems to be some very hard-packed snow.

Kowalski: Yes, very.

Private: It'll take awhile to dig out. But on a brighter note, Rico's bound to have noticed the weather. He's probably already on his way to rescue us!

Scene VII: Penguin HQ

Rico is eagerly watching the football game.

Scooter Alvarez: Douglas drops back into pocket, fires and... touchdown!

Rico: Alright alright alright! [excitedly runs in circles, does a cheer, and jumps up and down] Yeah!

Scene VIII: Tree

Private: We're not getting out of here anytime soon, are we?

Kowalski: No. But listen, Private. [he pulls Private closer and starts whispering] There's something I'm even more concerned about. We need to keep a close eye on Fred.

Fred is using a stick to clean his ears; he has it shoved in one ear and out the other, going all the way through his head.

Private: Really? Why?

Kowalski: Limited space combined with limited intellect makes Fred a prime candidate for the winter madness known as cabin fever.

Fred: Wait, wait, wait, but we're in a tree, whaddya mean 'cabin'?

Private: Gosh, I think if anyone were to get cabin fever, it'd be a smarty pants. You know, someone who actually understands our dire straits.

Kowalski: [twitching and stuttering] Huh. Never thought of it that way before.

Scene IX: Bailey's Snackatarium

X lurks around the store, loudly sniffing the air for Skipper and Marlene. He stops in front of a shelf of Sweet Snacks.

X: This hiding space is not so sweet!

He knocks the boxes away, revealing Marlene behind them.

Marlene: Sweet? Really? That's the joke you-- I mean ahhh!

She dives away as X grabs at her. Next, he finds her behind a bottle of soda.

X: This spot is fizzed out!

Marlene: Better, but-- ahh!

He tries to hit her with the soda bottle but misses. He then finds her in the trash can and knocks it over.

X: And that one was just garbage!

Marlene: It's too much, too much!

X picks her up.

X: Now, where is your penguin pal?

Skipper: Hey! Punster X! [he is spinning around on the ceiling fan] I'm not a fan of you!

He lets go and hurdles towards X, knocking him over and causing him to drop Marlene. X lands on the floor with a on his head. Skipper catches Marlene and carries her off. X gets up and looks around, not seeing them. He checks various places in the store.

X: I know you're here somewhere, penguin. And I will catch you, no matter where you hide! [laughs evilly] I will...

Skipper and Marlene are seen hiding in a cooler.

Scene X: Tree

Private is working hard at digging out the snow. Fred walks up to him with an acorn.

Fred: Acorn?

Private: What? Oh, no, thank you, Fred, I'm not hungry.

Fred: What? No, I was just asking if you think this is an acorn. Yeah, it kind of looks like a pecan to me, but you're probably right, it's probably an acorn. Yeah, it's definitely an acorn--

Kowalski: DO YOU HAVE TO TALK SOOOO MUCH?! Don't you understand? Each inane word, each banal syllable consumes more and more of our precious oxygen! [breathes heavily]

Private: Kowalski?

Kowalski: [running in circles] CABIN FEVER! But, but, but, I can fight it, with my intellect! Yes! All I need to do is devise a mental puzzle to keep me-- [runs into a branch] sharp! But what puzzle? Gödel's paradox? No, no, too easy.

Fred: How would a pair of ducks help?

Kowalski: PARADOX!

Private: I'm sure it makes sense... to Kowalski.

Kowalski continues to twitch and mumble. A cockroach crawls over his face but he takes no notice.

Scene XI: Bailey's Snackatarium

X: Boo!

X turns a corner but finds only scattered snacks on the floor. He moves on, grumbling to himself. Skipper and Marlene continue hiding in the cooler; Marlene is shivering and stutters as she talks.

Marlene: Skipper, do you have a plan here?

Skipper: Do I! We hang tight until this cow juice expires. Then we use the putrid scent of curdled milk to stun and overcome X!

Marlene: Um, not sure about th--

Skipper: Oh, you're right. We'll totally miss the game. Okay, now try this on. That window. It's a little high, getting there will be a little--

Marlene: It's good, let's go, I'm freezing!

She dashes out of the cooler, scurries up onto the counter, and makes a leap for the window. She makes it and pulls it open.

Marlene: Skipper! It totally worked, we can-- [gasps]

X walks over, holding Skipper in one hand.

X: A bird in the hand is infinitely better than an otter in a rush. But why not have both?

He attempts to grab at Marlene, but keeps missing. Skipper bites down on his thumb to distract him. X yells in pain.

Skipper: [spitting] Eugh, I believe the sign says all employees must wash ha--

X gives him a hard squeeze. When he looks back at the window, Marlene is gone.

X: Otter's gone, but it don't matter. You, penguin, are the triple power lotto grand jackpot prize. The otter was just a two dollar scratch game.

He walks away. Marlene peers out from where she is now hiding in the slush drink machine.

Marlene: I'm not even sure I get that analogy, but... gosh, I think I should be insulted.

Scene XII: Tree

Private continues to dig out the snow. Fred watches Kowalski as he mutters angrily to himself.

Kowalski: [incomprehensible muttering] Yes yes yes yes, this is making sense! [more muttering] Yes! Yes, I think I've got--

Fred: Acorn?

Kowalski bumps his head on an overhead branch again.

Fred: I know what you're thinking: it's gonna taste like corn. But weird thing, it doesn't.

Kowalski: You... you interrupted me for that? I wa-- I wa-- I wa-- I was THIS close to solving an ancient mystery that has haunted science since the dawn of time! HOW MUCH WOOD WOULD A WOODCHUCK CHUCK IF A WOODCHUCK COULD CHUCK WOOD! I ALMOST CRACKED IT! ALMOST! BUT THEN YOU HAD TO OFFER ME AN ACORN!

He snatches the acorn out of Fred's hand and throws it on the ground. It bounces off and ricochets off the wall several times before smacking into Kowalski, knocking him over.

Fred: It tastes, uh... nutty! Know what? I think they should call it an a-nut.

Kowalski: That's it! No more f-- no more fighting! I've got... CABIN FEVER!

He starts running around the tree screaming before collapsing on the ground to have a nervous breakdown.

Fred: What's with him?

Private: Well, he'd very much like to leave this tree. As would I.

Fred: Oh... so why don't you just go out through the basement?

Private: [snorts] Fred, what makes you think a tree has a basement?

Fred: 'Cause it's my house.

Private: This is your house?

Kowalski: You couldn't have mentioned that earlier?

Scene XIII: Underground

Private and Kowalski use a sewage pipe to jump out to the tunnel. Fred hangs out of the pipe.

Private: Thanks, Fred!

Fred: No problem. Oh, and Kowalski, a woodchuck would chuck about three logs worth, given the standard diameter of 14 inches and the typical hardness of an oak. You know, if they could chuck wood.

Kowalski: ...oh.

Private: We're coming, Skipper!

Private slides off. Kowalski walks after him, looking back at Fred.

Scene XIV: Bailey's Snackatarium

X sits on top of a milk crate. Underneath the crate is Skipper, tied up with licorice. X is on the phone. As X talks, Marlene scampers through the store, gathering bananas, a watermelon, and a shopping basket filled with various other fruits.

X: Animal Control? Let me speak to the top dog. No, I don't want to talk to an actual dog, I wanna talk to the boss lady. Why yes, it is indeed former Animal Control Officer X. Who is this? Dave? Well, I don't know why you need to know that, Dave. All you need to know is I need to talk to Supervisor Eubanks. Well, yes, it does have to do with a penguin. What of it? I-- hello? Dave? I never liked Dave. [to Skipper] But that's okay. I'd charge through a hundred blizzards to deliver you to justice.

Marlene: If you're gonna do that, be sure to hydrate!

Marlene has shoved all the fruit into the slush drink machine. It starts rumbling loudly. She jumps out the window. X stands up and Skipper tips the milk crate over to leave. The machine explodes and blasts X through the door, leaving a trail of pink slush in the snow. Skipper bites through his licorice bindings.

Marlene: Really? You couldn't have done that sooner?

Skipper: I really hate the taste of licorice.

Marlene: So, whaddya think? Pretty good, huh?

They look at X, who is underneath the blown-off door. They begin walking back into the store.

Skipper: 'Remember to hydrate'? A little weak. But the action? That was pure penguin gold, Marlene.

Marlene: Well, uh, thank you. Actually, I was kinda--

X grabs both of them and picks them up.

X: Thought no one was minding the saw, hmm? Wrong! X is always on the job!

He laughs evilly. The manhole cover below him flips over, landing on his foot. He yelps and drops Skipper and Marlene, who then kick him across the snow. Kowalski and Private jump out of the manhole.

Private: Skipper! We're here!

Kowalski: And ready for act-- ooookay, never mind.

He trails off upon seeing Skipper and Marlene leaning across X's unconscious body.

Private: Skipper, we were so worried about you!

Skipper: Ah, you nervous Nellies. X was nothing Marlene and I couldn't handle.

Marlene: We bad!

Skipper: Now let's get back home so I can at least see the end of the game!

Scene XV: Penguin HQ

Scooter Alvarez: A real nail-biter! Never have I seen a more exciting finish!

Rico: Wooo! Wow!

Scooter Alvarez: But in the end, the Behemoths take it, 27-26!

Rico turns to see Skipper and Marlene, snacks in hand and gaping at the TV.

Rico: Hey, where you been?

The episode ends with Skipper quietly whining and his eyes twitching.

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