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Scene 1: Opening/Penguin Habitat at Central Park Zoo[]
The 12-minute short begins with the DreamWorks Animation SKG logo as Brain Setzer's song version of Jingle Bells starts playing. The word in orange print Madagascar appears onscreen. Then, the word The lands on top of the word and the word Penguins lands on the bottom of the word. Then, four penguins representing (from left to right) Skipper, Private, Kowalski, and Rico who gets out a match and burns the tan line below. The line leads to a green R in A CHRISTMAS CAPER. Just then, the words explode, revealing the Central Park Zoo. The camera zooms into a snowman in the penguins' enclosure. Some text appears on screen saying "Christmas Eve 1800 Hours" (which stands for "Christmas Eve 6:00 PM")
Brian Setzer (Voice-over): (singing) ♪Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a fifty-seven Chevrolet. Jingle bells, jingle, jingle. Jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Dashing through the snow.♪
Offscreen Male Chorus: He's dashing!
Brian Setzer (Voice-over): (singing) ♪In a one-horse open sleigh.♪
Offscreen Male Chorus: He's dashing!
Brian Setzer (Voice-over): (singing) ♪Over them fields we go.♪
Offscreen Male Chorus: He's dashing!
Brian Setzer (Voice-over): (singing) ♪Laughing all the way.♪
Offscreen Male Chorus: Now he's laughing!
Brian Setzer (Voice-over): (singing) ♪Bells on bob...♪ [silence] ♪…Making them spirits bright. What fun it is to ride and sing this sleighing song to...♪ [song suddenly ends]
A periscope pops out of a snowman. It shows Mason and Phil building a tower of cans, but Phil knocks it over. Next it shows Alex, Marty, Gloria, and Melman turning on Christmas lights on Melman. Next, it shows Ted lying down on the ground of his habitat, sad. After that, it shows camel and elephant pairs partying, and then returns to Ted who sighs sadly.
Private is operating the periscope, Skipper is at the center, Kowalski is beating down fish, and Rico is standing in front of a huge chunk of ice.
Private: He looks so sad.
Skipper: Rico! I want that tree up to muster.
Rico takes two knives and carves a Christmas tree made of ice sculpture.
Skipper: Check. Kowalski! What's the status on the approved musical selection?
Kowalski: Scheduled to begin... now.
The radio is turned on and music plays.
Skipper: Excelente! Right on track.
Private: Skipper!
Skipper: Figgy pudding at nineteen-hundred [1900] hours, yule log to commence on my mark. Engage!
Kowalski presses a button on a remote and the TV turns on showing a log burning.
Kowalski: Yule log engaged.
Skipper: Check-a-mundo!
Private: Skipper!
Skipper: (Rico is seen outside swimming) Eggnog at twenty-one-hundred [2100] hours, writing our names in the snow at twenty-one-oh-five [2105].
Private: Skipper?
Skipper: What is it, Private?
Private: Ted the polar bear is alone on this holiday, and he seems so sad. Could we bring him a present to cheer him up?
Skipper: Kowalski.
Kowalski: (making calculations on his abacus) Negative, Skipper. (shows four fish wrapped up as one of them is still moving) We have four presents, and there are four of us.
Private: We can go and get him something.
Skipper: Sorry, Private. No can do.
Private: But no one should be sad and alone on Christmas!
Skipper: Exactly. So throw those troubles away and be merry, pronto.
Private: But, Skipper-
Skipper: That's an order, mister. All right boys, stand by for eggnog.
Kowalski: (pounding the fish with a mallet) Aye aye, Skipper.
Rico: (as his face comes up on the screen) EGGNOG!!! Eggnog, eggnog, eggnog, eggnog!!
Skipper: Private?
Private: I'll pass, thank you.
Private sadly walks off, then gets an idea. He gets some money out of Kowalski's Gloria piggy bank and sneaks to the fish plaque while Skipper and Kowalski see how much eggnog Rico can chug at once.
Skipper and Kowalski: Go, go, go, go, go! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!
Skipper: Well done, Rico! That guy can really hold his nog.
Private opens the plaque and slides out. The screen fades revealing the penguins' clock. The hands spin super fast until the time reads 9:10pm. Zoom out to the penguins at the table having Christmas dinner, each one wearing Santa hats.
Skipper: Twenty-one-hundred-ten [2110] hours, boys! Engage cranberries!
Rico is playing the "knife game" at the table.
Skipper: Rico! Not at the table. (noticing a problem) Hold on a second. Something's missing.
Kowalski: Cranberries, check! Eggnog, check!
Skipper: Give me a head count.
Kowalski: (doing calculations on his abacus, but some beads fall out with a slap) We have three heads, sir.
Skipper: WHERE'S THE PRIVATE?!
Kowalski: (smacks the abacus, sending more beads flying) Unknown, sir! It appears that he's... (shows the eggnog carton with Private's mugshot on it) missing!
Skipper: Missing?! (angrily throws down his Santa hat) Hoover Dam! Wait, there he is! He just went to bed! (removes the blanket to find Private, but it's a bowling pin with a smiley face drawn on it) What the...?! (starts slapping the bowling pin) What have you done with Private?! Talk, mister!
Kowalski: (noticing the open fish plaque) Skipper! Over here.
Skipper: I'll deal with you later. (slaps the bowling pin one last time)
Kowalski: Oh, no. He must be out there all by himself.
Skipper: He's one of us, men. You all know the Penguin Credo.
Kowalski: Never bathe in hot oil and Bisquick?
Skipper: No!
Rico: (speaks Japanese gibberish)
Skipper: No, that's the Walrus Credo! It's "never swim alone". Private's out there all by himself. And we never leave one of our own.
Rico and Kowalski: Oh, yeah.
Skipper: Now, let's go!
Scene 2: The Street[]
Out in the streets of New York, Private peeks out from the side of a building, and looks around the decorated street with wonder.
Private: Oh...
He walks down the street, looking for a present for Ted. He spots a cart loaded with Christmas gifts.
Private: Oh, that's perfect! Just the thing for a sad polar bear.
Private runs up to the cart. He jumps onto the cart's wheel, and climbs onto a shelf on the cart. He looks at a row of small Christmas trees.
Private: (astonished) Whoa...
Meanwhile, Skipper, Rico, and Kowalski peek from underneath a snow-covered manhole cover. They go back down, and send the manhole cover into the air with a powerful kick. They jump out of the manhole, and land on the snowy ground. While Skipper and Kowalski look for clues, Rico runs around hyperactively, making karate poses.
Skipper: Kowalski? (the manhole cover lands behind the penguins with a loud bang) Analysis.
Kowalski: (tastes the snow with his flipper) Adrenaline, sweat and sardines. These tracks are fresh, sir.
Skipper: (pats Kowalski's back and steps forward) He's close. I can feel it.
The penguins peer around the corner of a building. Rico hands Kowalski a pair of binoculars to get a closer look. They see a grouchy old woman, named Nana, approach the stand. They also see a scared little Private trying to hide behind the small Christmas trees.
Nana: What kind of cut-rate junk is this? It's lousy workmanship, it's what it is.
Kowalski: Uh-oh. (zooms in on Private with the binoculars) We may have a problem.
Nana shakes her head with disapproval, and angrily rips a teddy bear's arms off as Private trembles and attempts to hide by putting a small Christmas tree star above his head.
Nana: Everywhere I look, junk! These are no good at all! (throws the teddy away) Junk!
Skipper: We need to get closer. Ten o'clock men. (penguins follow a line of nuns) Blend, blend, blend!
The penguins are now behind a trash can. They again attempt to get a closer look at Private.
Nana: Ha! So, this is where you're hiding all the good stuff. (she pulls and stretches Private)
Skipper: He's in trouble!
Rico: (coughs up a stick of dynamite and a match) Kaboom...! Hehe.
Skipper: Stand down, soldier. We're in observation mode.
Rico: (dejected) Oh...
Nana: Now this is workmanship. So where's the gosh darn squeaker on this thing? It's gotta have a squeaker. (she squeezes Private and he farts) Now that's more like it! (approaches the vendor, who holds up a bag for Nana to put Private in) Hey, stupid! I want this one. Hey! Where's my change?! Shyster!
Skipper: Grand Coulee Dam! Private's been captured!
Nana: TAXI!
A taxi pulls up. Nana goes in the taxi as the penguins follow behind.
Skipper: Not on my watch, Blue Hair. Kowalski!
Kowalski grabs a trash can lid. Rico swings a rope and hooks it onto the taxi's back bumper. The taxi drags the trash can lid (with the penguins) down the street.
Pedestrian: Hey! I'm walkin' here!
The taxi stops in front of the hotel. The penguins get off and belly slide, then hide behind a snowman.
Nana: I've got a tip for you--drop dead! (she shuts the door and the taxi drives off)
Doorman: Good evening, ma'am. Merry Christmas to you.
Nana: Buzz off! (she punches him aside and enters the building)
Kowalski: Skipper, how are we going to get inside?
Rico: (grabs stick of dynamite and lights it) Kaboom, kaboom, ahahaha!
Skipper: (puts out the fuse) I got a better idea.
Rico: (dejected) Awww.
Scene 3: Nana's Apartment[]
The doorman gets up, dazed from Nana's punch
Doorman: Oy! Oh, that's gotta hurt.
The penguins approach the doorman, disguised inside the snowman as an instrumental rendition of "Jingle Bells" is heard. The doorman is surprised and confused. The snowman's branch arm lifts up, offering the doorman a $20 tip. After a brief awkward pause, the doorman looks around and accepts the tip.
Doorman: Very generous, sir! (opens the door, letting the snowman in) You have a merry Christmas.
The snowman wobbles as it enters the lobby as Nana goes into the elevator.
Skipper: Hold that elevator!
Private: (peeks out from Nana's purse) Skipper!
Skipper: (peeks out from the snowman's head, under its hat) Private! Step on it, Kowalski!
Inside the elevator, Nana presses the button for the 13th floor (even though in real life, all hotels don't have that unlucky number due to superstitions). The penguins try to pick up the pace as the elevator doors close, but they were too late. The snowman crashes into the closed elevator doors, and falls apart, leaving a large pile of snow. The penguins pop from out of the snow. They look up at the elevator dial. The arrow points to the "13". The penguins look around, thinking of another way to get to Nana's room. Rico taps Skipper on the shoulder, directing him to a mail chute, where envelopes fall in.
Skipper: What comes down, must go up.
Kowalski: Skipper. (he has dragged out a shop vacuum from the closet)
Skipper: All right, men! Commence Operation Special Delivery.
Kowalski plugs in the vacuum and Rico turns it on in reverse. The penguins put on postage stamps and hop into the vacuum and ride up the mail chute to the top floor. Nana is on her way to her room, when Skipper, Rico, and Kowalski fly out of the mail slot, jump off the walls and the ceiling, and land on the floor. They follow Nana, but she shuts herself in her room, and locks the door.
Skipper: Shiitake mushrooms! No more Mister Cute and Cuddly.
Rico: (measures the scale of the door with his flippers, and gets out another stick of dynamite) Kaboom, kaboom, KABOOM! AHHH...!
Skipper: Rico! Enough with the dynamite already! (Rico groans.)
Inside Nana's apartment room, the disgruntled old lady wraps Private up while her pet toy poodle, Mr. Chew, watches. Private frets as Nana sticks a bow onto his head and ties a ribbon around his waist.
Nana: Why does Christmas have to be every year? What a pain in the... (cuts the ribbon with scissors) The tape, it's so sticky! (Private whimpers and holds still as Nana slaps a sticker on Private, labelled "To: Mr. Chew/From: Mommy") There we go! (sweetly) Oh, you make a nice Christmas present for my Mr. Chew.
Mr. Chew jumps and barks with excitement. Private looks back and trembles with fear. Nana grabs Private, walks up to Mr. Chew's stocking on the fireplace mantle, and puts Private in it.
Nana: Oh, now, Mr. Chew. You have to wait until morning to open your present. Yes, you do. Who is mommy's big boy? Who is he?
Mr. Chew happily wags his tail at Nana, but as soon as she leaves him alone with Private, Mr. Chew suddenly snaps. He snarls at Private with wide bloodshot eyes. Zoom in on Private, who becomes terrified. Mr. Chew bites into an Alex plushie, and shakes it back and forth until its head rips off. Staggered zoom on the severed Alex doll's head. Private whimpers. Mr. Chew lunges at the stocking, biting firmly down on the bottom with its teeth. Mr. Chew violently wriggles at the bottom of the stocking as Private panics.
Private: Nice doggie, good doggie! No, good boy! Down! Down! Don't eat me, no, good boy! Leave me alone! Don't eat me!! AAHHH!!!
Outside, the penguins swing on ropes, crash through the window, and land on the table.
Skipper: Santa Claus has come to town!
Private: Oh, Skipper!
Mr. Chew pulls down the stocking very hard. When he lets go, Private is sent flying through the air, yelling in slow-motion. He lands on top of the Christmas tree star, his ribbon getting stuck on it.
Private: Help me, guys!
Skipper: Kowalski, secure the Private!
Kowalski: I'm on it.
The penguins are confronted by Mr. Chew, barking wildly at them.
Skipper: Quadruped, canine, 2 o' clock!
Kowalski: I'm going to need some cover fire.
Skipper: Rico!
Rico jumps on the edge of a glass bowl of peppermints, sending the candies flying into the air. Rico tilts his head up, opens his mouth, and the peppermints fall in. Skipper and Kowalski knock the table on its side, shielding them from Mr. Chew. Skipper rolls out from behind the table, holding Rico like a gun. He cocks Rico's flipper, and begins firing peppermints at Mr. Chew out of Rico's mouth. The frightened dog runs for his life.
Skipper: Kowalski, status!
Kowalski: (climbing the Christmas tree to get to Private) I'm almost there, Skipper.
Mr. Chew keeps running away, when all of a sudden, Rico runs out of ammo. Mr. Chew is cowering in a corner, but as soon as he realizes Rico has run out of ammo, he goes back in attack mode. He barks and snarls as he charges at the penguins. Skipper throws Rico up to Private and Kowalski at the top of the tree, before jumping on a branch of the tree. Mr. Chew jumps at Skipper, but he jumps out of the way, and begins to climb up to the other penguins. Mr. Chew bites into a string of lights. Mr. Chew swings through the air, and knocks over a lamp. Mr. Chew growls as he pulls on the string of lights, pulling the Christmas tree down. Rico is holding up an ornament, ready to throw.
Skipper: Let him have it, Rico.
Rico bites off the hook like a grenade, and begins to throw ornament after ornament at Mr. Chew, who dodges each throw. Eventually, Rico manages to get a direct hit at Mr. Chew, making him let go of the lights, sending the tree back up. Private is sent flying out of his bow and ribbons, screaming as he flies through the air. Nana bangs on her faulty TV set to fix it. She sits down in her chair to watch the football game just as Private flies over her. He soars straight ahead to the kitchen window.
Football Announcer on TV: Ryan takes the snap. He drops back into the pocket.
Private crashes into a set of Christmas dishes, including a turkey. In the doorway to the kitchen, dishes and glasses shatter, food spill, and a chair is turned over. The penguins look and see Private run out of the kitchen, with a turkey stuck on his head.
Skipper: Holy Butterball!
Mr. Chew starts chasing Private around the living room behind Nana, unaware of what's going on.
Football Announcer on TV: There's a loose ball on the field!
Private: NO!! No! Don't eat me!
Skipper: Kowalski, give me options.
Private: (screams)
Kowalski: (draws his idea on a pad of paper with crayon and shows Skipper) Skipper.
Skipper: Excelente! Engage Operation Stocking Stuffer.
Skipper slides down the ribbon with a candy cane. He drops to the floor and whistles to get Mr. Chew's attention. Skipper uses the candy cane to hop in the air, licks the candy cane and sticks it onto Mr. Chew's collar. Mr. Chew charges into a ribbon with Rico and Kowalski holding on tightly at both ends. Mr. Chew is sent flying, and hits the Christmas tree, which bends down over Nana.
Football Announcer on TV: At the 5, Gets into the end zone all by himself! Ryan drops back and fires a Hail Mary downfield!
The tree catapults Mr. Chew through the air as the penguins watch. Mr. Chew hits the wall, and slides down into his own stocking, held by Rico.
Football Announcer on TV: Oh, he scores! Take me home, what a play!
As the crowd on the TV cheers, Rico jumps on Mr. Chew's head, and join the other penguins for a celebration. They all give each other high-fives. Private goes in to give Skipper a high-five, but he misses.
Skipper: High five, low five, down low, too slow! I think our work here is done.
The penguins head for the door, but Rico is about to drop an anvil on Nana.
Skipper: Rico! She didn't see anything.
(Rico, disappointed, drops the anvil to the floor. He joins the other penguins with his head down.)
Football Announcer on TV: And that's the game, ladies and gentlemen...
Skipper: Let's blow this Popsicle stand, boys!
(Rico takes out his stick of dynamite and lit match one last time.)
Rico: (hopefully) Kaboom?
Skipper: Yes, Rico, kaboom.
The door is blown up, and falls down.
Skipper: C'mon, boys. (the penguins slide out on their bellies, and walk away)
Nana: (shrieks as she sees the mess) What is all this?! (angrily points at Mr. Chew with her foam finger) Mr. Chew, this is all your fault! Bad dog! (the Christmas tree falls over) You are on a big time out!!
Scene 4: Back at the Penguin Habitat[]
The penguins are walking back to the zoo.
Private: Thanks for rescuing me, Skipper.
Skipper: Think nothing of it, Young Private. It's the least we can do. You remember the Penguin Credo.
Private: What does deep-frying in Bisquick have to do with any of this?
Skipper: Not that one, the other one! Never swim alone! ALONE!! On Christmas! Don't you get it?! Come on, people, do I have to explain this to everybody? (Rico nods)
Private: Poor Ted. He's all alone on Christmas, with no one to swim with.
Skipper: (He sees Private's point) It's not too late, young Private. I've got a new plan to fit him in.
The camera fades back to the surface of the Penguins' habitat. The penguins and Ted are heard singing along to "Deck the Halls".
Penguins and Ted: (Singing) Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
We cut to inside the habitat with Ted and the penguins with Santa hats on their heads and cups in their paws and flippers.
Ted: You guys! Seriously, this is the best Christmas I've ever had!
Skipper: Well, there it is then. Merry Christmas for everyone! (the doorbell rings) What the...? Who could that be?
Ted: Oh, I hope you don't mind. I invited a few friends over.
Skipper: WHAT?!?!?!
Zoo Animals and the Penguins: (singing) Jingle Bells, monkey smells/Melman laid an egg/Marty thinks that Alex stinks/And the camels say "Oy Vey"!